


Kizuna ~Different Path~

by iFanClover



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Episode: s04e02 KIZUNA, Even Though it wasn’t Even Done Yet When I Showed Them :3, Grief/Mourning, Indirect(?) Suicide Mention, Kizuna AU, The Long-Awaited Fanfic That I Made People on Discord Hate Me Over, missing person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-26 17:50:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20934275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iFanClover/pseuds/iFanClover
Summary: It’s been five years since Reiji left.He never returned.QUARTET NIGHT disbanded.The remaining members went their separate paths.Even so, they meet up again five years later.





	Kizuna ~Different Path~

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! Happy Kizuna Anniversary ^w^
> 
> This here is a fanfic I’ve been writing for weeks since I thought about it. It actually came up from an idea of “what if Reiji really did never come back?” and I kinda tried my best to build it off from there.
> 
> Because of it being a five-year gap between the Kizuna episode and the time this story takes place, there will be some changes made to the characters’ appearances. Mainly our three main characters.
> 
> I’ll have to put a warning here: this fanfic does include the mentions of suicide and Reiji’s depression, albeit not very out in the open in a sense. If you are sensitive to such topics, I feel it’s best if you don’t read this story.

Ranmaru stares at himself in the mirror. The bags under his eyes never seem to disappear. He’s finding it harder to fall asleep with every passing day. His phone buzzes. He picks it up.

Ai.

Ranmaru puts his phone right next to his ear. “Hello?”

“Ranmaru,” Ai says. He sounds much more lively than he used to. It’s amazing how they still keep in touch despite everything that happened five years ago.

Five years. Has it been that long already? God, he feels so old.

“Ranmaru, are you listening to me?”

“O-Oh, yeah.” Ranmaru walks out of the bathroom. “Sorry, I got distracted.”

He can hear Ai sigh from his side. “That’s fine. I just want to tell you that I met a familiar face today. He’s wondering how you’ve been doing as well.”

Familiar face? Who could he be talking about? Unless. . .

“Where are you?” Ranmaru rushes to his closet.

“Huh? Why do you want to know?”

“I’m coming over to see you.” He pulls out a shirt and pants without thinking.

“Okay. . .” Ai pauses. “I’m right in front of a sweets shoppe.”

Of course they are, if this face is the one he’s strangely hoping to see again.  
“Alright, got it. I’ll be right over.”

“Take your time; we might be here a while.” Ai ends the call.

Ranmaru hastily puts his clothes on, grabs a nearby jacket, and runs out of his apartment.

~~~~~

“Ai!!” He slows his speed once he catches a glimpse of his cyan-haired friend.

Friend? Is that what he is to him now? It’s been a long time since he used that word.

“Ranmaru,” Ai says, surprise in his eyes. “I haven’t seen you this energetic since. . .” He looks down. “When was the last time I saw you excited?”

Ranmaru ruffles Ai’s hair with a smile. “Never mind that.” He looks around. “Say, where is that familiar face you met?”

“He’s actually still in there.” Ai gestures to the shoppe. “I’ve been standing outside for about five minutes, and he still isn’t done yet.”

“Okay, got it.” Ranmaru tries to look through the window, but the large and elaborate display of candy blocks his view. “Hey, why don’t we go check up on him, whoever he is? He might need some help.”

“You say that like you don’t know who I’m talking about at all.” Ai rolls his eyes, but his small smile reveals his feelings.

Ranmaru just shrugs it off. “It’s only just a guess.”

He and Ai walk into the sweets shoppe. A figure stands at the register, their back facing towards them. Their hair color is of that pale shade of blonde Ranmaru remembers, but the length is longer than before.

“Thank you, come again soon!” the worker behind the counter says. The person bows as a response and turns around.

“Oh, Ai,” he says. “I thought you said you were going to stay outsi—“

Ranmaru’s gray eyes catch the gaze of icy blue ones. But, they look different. There’s a sense of warmness to them. And a hint of mourning?

“Kurosaki. . .” His voice is very much softer than before.

Ranmaru awkwardly waves. “Hey, Camus,” he says. “Long time not see, huh?”

~~~~~

Camus sighs as he takes in the fresh park air. “Five years,” he mutters.

“Yep, five years.” Ranmaru stretches his arms. “I still can’t believe it.”

Ai stares out at the shimmering lake. He remains unresponsive.

“I see you ditched the hair gel and colored contact,” Camus notes. “It’s nice to see that natural side of you so out in the open, but it doesn’t help that you look like hell.”

“I know,” Ranmaru chuckles dryly. “Ever since I got my own apartment, it’s become harder to fall asleep. It didn’t take long for me to realize I probably have insomnia.”

Camus gives Ranmaru a worried look. “You are getting treatment for that, aren’t you?”

“I’m trying, but I’m still struggling to pay up my family debt.” Ranmaru sighs. “I guess life just gets more difficult with every passing terrible thing that comes by.”

“Ranmaru. . .”

“Heh. That’s the first time you ever called me by my first name, and not with that annoying fake voice you used.” Ranmaru looks at Camus, his eyes softening. “Although, your voice right now is reminding me of that. It’s more tolerable than the fake one. I kinda like it.”

“Ah, thank you.” Camus brushes some hair out of his face. “I notice that your eyeliner is still as strong as ever.”

“Yeah,” Ranmaru smiles, “it’s kinda one of the few things I care about.” Ranmaru takes some of Camus’ hair in his hand. “I see that you grew your hair out.”

“Yes, I did. I would have probably cut it short by now, but I never really stopped thinking about how Ko—Reiji used to play with it.”

Ranmaru’s hand slowly falls back down to his side. “Oh.” He hasn’t heard that name in so long.

“Yeah.” Camus awkwardly backs away. He didn’t mean to bring him up like that.  
The three of them now stand in silence. None of them don’t know what to say or how to respond. They can’t look each other in the eye.

Ai finally opens his mouth. “Reiji probably hates us, doesn’t he?” Ranmaru and Camus turn to him. He’s still looking out at the lake. “I mean, he never came back. We never tried looking for him. We left him to—“

“Shut up.”

Ai breaks his gaze and turns to Ranmaru. “Huh? What do yo—“

“Shut up, Ai.” Ranmaru’s hands turn to fists.

“I’m telling what’s true, though!”

“What you said is absolute bullshit, that’s what it is!!” Ranmaru shouts. “We never tried looking for him?! I tried my goddamn hardest to find him with every second I got! I couldn’t sleep because I was worried we might’ve lost him! You really think I didn’t care?? I was fucking terrified!! And that phone call Ryuya got didn’t help in the slightest.”

“Ranmaru!” Camus holds him back. “Please, calm down.”

He was expecting a pair of cold hands on his shoulders, but instead he got warmer ones. Somehow, it did help him calm down. That and Camus’ soothing voice.

“I-I’m sorry. . .” Ai mutters from behind Camus. “I didn’t know you. . .” He feels guilty. “I thought. . . I’m sorry. . .”

Ranmaru takes a deep breath. “No, I should be the one to apologize.” He regains his composure. “I didn’t mean to blow up on you.” He glances at Camus. “The topic of, well, Reiji came up so suddenly. It filled me with a lot of my regrets.”

Camus switches his gaze between Ranmaru and Ai. He takes a breath. “I’m genuinely glad to see that the both of you still keep in touch after our split.” He walks up ahead, and changes the topic. “That reminds me, I haven’t shown you where I now live yet.”

Ai perks up. “Where you now live?”

“I finished fully moving in about a week ago,” Camus says. “My apologies for not telling you two sooner.”

~~~~~

“Well, here we are.”

Ranmaru and Ai look around the “new” home. Everything was still in the same place they left it as.

“You bought our old house?” Ranmaru asks.

“With help from the Silk Queen.” Camus sits on one of the couches. “It’s still as comfy as I remembered it.”

“Why did you buy this house back?” Ai asks. “We all agreed to sell it when we disbanded.”

“I know,” Camus says. “But when I saw it was still vacant, I couldn’t help but buy it. Maybe because of short-lived nostalgia, maybe for trying to find a place to unload all my regrets and past mistakes, maybe as a way to say ‘I’m sorry for not trying harder’. . .” He stares at the coffee table in front of him.

Ranmaru couldn’t tell clearly, but he can sense all the guilt in Camus’ words. Honestly, he feels the same way Camus does. If only he tried harder back then, maybe Reiji would still be here with them. Maybe they could still be QUARTET NIGHT.

“How did Reiji used to play with your hair?” Ai asks Camus. No one noticed he moved right behind Camus.

“Oh, um. . .” Camus looks up at Ai. “Usually, he’d just run his fingers through it.” Ai does as Camus says, resulting in a small laugh from the other. “He’d always go on about how beautiful and perfect it was, saying it was as soft as silk.”

“It is.” Ai hugs Camus from behind. “What else would be do?”

“Ah, you’re getting quite touchy.” Camus lightly scratches the side of Ai’s face, still smiling. “Reiji would also twirl the ends of my hair around his fingers,” he says, and Ai does exactly that.

“Just like this, right?”

“Yeah, just like that.”

Ranmaru looks at how easily they get along now. Before, it took about months for them to tolerate each other. Even so, he and Camus would still butt heads against each other. He remembers how Reiji would try to stop them. How he’d laugh worriedly and stood in between them so no one could get hurt. How Ai would just watch from the sidelines and not do anything but sigh. How Camus once stuck his tongue out at him in spite. How his fists clenched, but Reiji’s soft eyes calmed him down.

He wish he could take those days back.

“A-Ai, wait!” Camus’ chuckle fills the empty room. “What are you—ahh!!” He falls back on the couch as Ai joins him.

“I want to watch something on TV,” Ai says. He sits himself and Camus up. “Where’s the remote?”

“I just so happened to fall on it.” Camus pulls the remote out from behind him. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen news about Japan.” He gets comfortable and turns on the television. Ai scoots closer to Camus and places his head on his shoulder. Camus leans his head onto Ai’s in response. They’re both smiling.

Ranmaru tries to remember the last time he saw those two smiling so genuinely. He doesn’t think he smiled that much before either. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but seeing Ai be so affectionate and Camus a lot more positive in general makes him start to believe that maybe they could’ve been able to be like this too, but with Reiji.

His stomach growls. He hasn’t realized he never ate at all today. He’s starving. “I’m gonna go make something to eat.” He walks over to the kitchen. “You got anything?”

“Yes, I just finished stocking the fridge yesterday.”

Ranmaru opens the fridge. There’s everything he expected to find, and a couple he didn’t think would be in there. He takes out and examines a half-empty cup of that crazy Frappuccino drink Camus would always order. It looks like his sweet tastes are still existent. Or, they moved into other parts of him that used to be cold. Maybe both.

Ranmaru puts it back and takes out all the ingredients needed to make himself a good meal. He prepares the food and cooks it thoroughly, putting it on a plate and taking it with him. He sits on the other side of Camus, and begins to eat. The television shows a program presenting multiple incoming idols to the industry.

“Remember when we first debuted?” Ai asks them. “Remember when we first met Reiji and how his bright smile stood out so easily?”

“I never really wanted to become an idol,” Ranmaru says.

“Me neither,” Camus joins in. “But, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy I was one.”

Ai looks at Camus. “As in, you don’t regret it?”

Camus nods. “To be honest, I’m actually a little glad I became an idol. Even though we didn’t start off the best way, I got to meet you and Reiji. I don’t regret it, not at all.”

Ai nods, then leans forward to look at Ranmaru. “Do you regret meeting Reiji, Ranmaru?”

Ranmaru thinks about the question. Did he? Well, he did annoy the hell out of him sometimes, but he does mean well. And, he is the most down to earth out of all of them. But, he did have his secrets. He was an interesting guy, but he couldn’t lie about his feelings towards him.

“I don’t regret meeting Reiji,” he answers, “but I do regret the things I’ve done to him. Or, well, the things I didn’t do for him.”

Another awkward silence. Ranmaru mentally scolds himself for starting it. The once calm atmosphere is now filled with uneasiness.

“Let’s not talk about this anymore, okay?” Camus turns off the television and stands up. He walks into the kitchen and begins to brew himself some tea.

Ranmaru and Ai still sit on the couch. Ai decides to take a move closer towards Ranmaru. “I feel the same way as you do, and I believe Camus is the same,” he whispers low enough for Camus to not hear. “I think he’s a little upset that you were more willing to say it than he was.”

A sudden loud noise comes from the kitchen followed by Camus cursing under his breath. Ranmaru and Ai quickly turn over to him. Camus waves them off. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.” The two on the couch stare at his turned back for a moment before rotating back.

Ranmaru sighs. He’s only halfway done with his meal, but he isn’t in the mood to finish it anymore.

Ai stares out the big windows. “I wonder how ecstatic Reiji was when he first got this house for us?” he continues to whisper, but more to himself. “He was probably looking forward to living together like a family. Cooking meals, staring at the stars, talking over a warm cup of tea.” Ranmaru notices Ai’s body beginning to tremble, but then he shakes his head. “No, I shouldn’t.”

“You shouldn’t what?” Ranmaru asks.

Ai perks up in surprise. “Oh, um, nothing. It’s nothing. . .”

He doesn’t believe it for a second, but he lets it slide for now.

~~~~~

Weary gray eyes begin to open as the sun rises. Ranmaru groans, but also finds himself feeling more refreshed than usual. When was the last time he slept that well? He looks around at his surroundings, noticing he’s not in his apartment. In fact, he never went back home at all. To his right, Camus’ head lays nicely on his shoulder. Ai uses Camus’ lap as a pillow. They’re both sleeping soundly. They haven’t woken up yet. Ranmaru smiles sadly. If only Reiji was here to see them like this. He’d probably cry tears of joy. Now that he thinks about it, he definitely would.

Ranmaru nudges his shoulder into Camus’ cheek, causing the man to lightly jerk up. “Hnngh. . . Not now. . .” he mutters. “Still. . . Sleepy. . .”

Ranmaru laughs. “Didn’t know you had a whiny side, Ice Queen.”

Camus’ eyes pop open. “R-Ranmaru?”

He leans over and gives Camus a sly smile. “Wakey wakey, Snow White.”

Camus sits up quickly and carefully; he doesn’t want to disrupt Ai. “Y-You— I can’t believe you just— Aah!!” He pushes Ranmaru and his chuckling away from him. “How could you do this to me?!”

“H-Hey, Camus!” Ranmaru pulls Camus’ hand down. “I was just trying to wake you up.” He looks at Camus’ flustered face. “Y’know, this reminds me of the time where Reiji would talk nonstop about catching you embarrassed. He went on and on about how cute you were when you blushed.”

Camus turns to Ranmaru suspiciously. “I don’t remember that.”

“Well, he only really talked about it to Ai and me, knowing that if you heard you’d be really angry.”

“I-I. . .” Camus huffs. “Whatever. I’m awake now, and you can go do whatever.”

“What about you?”

“I still have a little someone to deal with.” Camus looks down at his lap and the still sleeping Ai. He gently pets him and smiles. “Did you sleep well last night?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“That’s good.”

He is able to get up and leave. But, he chooses not to. Ranmaru scoots back next to Camus. He’ll just stay for a little longer.

~~~~~

“Huh? Moving in?” Ranmaru questions.

“Yes. I asked Camus if it’s alright if I move back in with him.” Ai stares out into the open from the windows. “Being alone in a house as big as this one wouldn’t be good, right? So, I thought the best choice would be to move in. I don’t want Camus to feel lonely.”

Ranmaru nods. “Alright. But, why did you ask me about it?”

“Because Camus was also hoping you’d like to move in as well,” Ai responds. He turns Ranmaru’s way. “I told him about how you’ve been struggling to keep up rent for your apartment, and we’re both worried you might get kicked out if we don’t do anything.”

“Why did you—“

“Is it wrong to worry for someone you care about?”

Ranmaru pauses. Is it wrong to worry for someone you care about? He never thought Ai would be the one to say those words, even to him. He never seemed to be the type to express care or worry or, well, anything. Most of the time, he just holds a blank face; it’s always so hard to read what’s on his mind.

But now, Ranmaru could see it loud and clear.

Bright teal eyes filled to the brim with concern, staring straight at him, silently but patiently waiting for his response.

“I dunno, Ai.” He lightly scratches the back of his neck. “It seems like a lot you two are putting on me.”

“Think about it then.” Ai’s response comes quick. “Don’t make your decision based on what we want. Do it on what you want.” He smiles. “We’ll respect it either way it happens.”

“Ai,” Camus calls from the front door. “Are you ready?”

Ai nods and walks over to Camus. “Ranmaru, would you like to help?”

Ranmaru nods. “Sure, why not? I don’t have anything better to do.”

Moving in with Ai and Camus. They’ll be able to get back all those days apart, and make up and fix any loose ends. But, Reiji will never come back. It’s too late for that anyways. Still, Ranmaru’s thinking about his choice, and he’s mostly leaning towards “yes”.

~~~~~

“Are you sure that’s everything for you, Ai?” Camus asks as he places another box down.

“Yes, I’m sure of it.” Ai is rummaging through one of his boxes and pulls out a small bag of hairpins. “If I’ve forgotten anything, I could always go back to Professor’s to find it.”

“Alright then.”

Ranmaru places down three stacked boxes and lets out a huff. Camus lets out a short giggle. “Hm?” Ranmaru looks Camus’ way.

“I’ve forgotten about how strong you really are,” Camus says with an interesting gaze in his eyes.

Ranmaru stands up straight, hands on his hips. “Was that supposed to be a flirt?”

“What?” Camus looks taken aback. “What about that made you think it was a flirt?”

“Oh, I dunno. The laugh you let out, your posture, your tone of voice, the way you looked at me as if you were checking me out?”

Camus rolls his eyes. “Please, don’t flatter yourself.”

“Actually, from what I’ve gathered,” Ai thinks aloud, “those characteristics are quite present in an attempt of flirtation.”

“Don’t tell me you’re on this too!”

“. . . Maybe.”

Camus’ body went from relaxed to tense. “I’m. . .” He huffs, agitated. “I’m going to go clear my mind.” He leaves the room and walks upstairs.

Ai stands next to Ranmaru. “Did we do something wrong?”

The other adjusts his jacket. “I think we probably reminded him of Reiji.”

“How?”

“He would sometimes make jokes like these around the two of us. It usually ends with Camus getting really angry.” Ranmaru laughs. “I can’t believe I still remember that.”

“Oh.” Ai ponders for a moment. “Ranmaru?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

Ranmaru gives Ai a confused look. “What for?”

“For not helping you look for Reiji.”

“That was years ago, Ai—“

“I know that!” he shouts. That’s the first time Ranmaru ever heard Ai shout. “I know it was years ago, but if I was there to help you. . . Maybe, we would’ve been able to find him. . .”

Ranmaru gives Ai a soft pat on the head. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s not your fault, y’know.”

“Ranmaru. . .” Ai looks down. “I should’ve done something. . .”

“We were only able to do so much.”

They stay standing there in silence, surrounded by boxes of Ai’s belongings that took a couple days to bring over. Ranmaru feels bad for him. He feels guilt for what happened. They all do.

“Can I hug you?” Ai quietly requests.

Ranmaru doesn’t say anything. He steps back, opens his arms, and lets Ai in.

~~~~~

Ai helps Ranmaru out with setting the table. They both worked hard on making dinner this evening. Camus hasn’t come back down since the afternoon. Ranmaru would catch himself staring at the top of the stairs every couple minutes.

“Why don’t you go up there?” Ai asks. “Go see if he’s okay.”

“But, what about dinner?”

“I can handle setting it up by myself.” Ai flashes a small grin at Ranmaru. “You should go see Camus. He’ll probably need someone to talk to.”

Ranmaru nods slowly, and makes his way to the stairs. With every step, he gets another memory of their days here from years ago. Like the time he fell asleep on the couch, and Reiji placed a blanket over him. That man did care. It made Ranmaru wish he could’ve cared more for Reiji.

He reaches the top and instinctively walks towards the room Camus chose when they first got this place. Ranmaru knocks on the door and calls out, “Camus? It’s me.”

“I’m over here.”

Strange, that didn’t come from the other side of the door. Ranmaru turns around to see another room open. That’s where Camus’ voice came from. Reiji’s room.

He slowly walks in, seeing Camus sitting on the floor with his back up against the wall looking through a book. Right above him is one single frame he must’ve put up. It’s a photo of the four of them smiling together and enjoying their time.

Ranmaru sits next to Camus. “Whatcha lookin’ at?” he asks.

“This.” Camus shows him the cover of the book. Well, it’s a photo album. “I made it back at the Silk Palace.”

“Wow.” Ranmaru brushes his hand across the cover. “It’s really well done.”

“Thank you.” Camus opens it back up and looks through it.

“Hey, aren’t these photos that Reiji took?”

Camus nods. “I printed out all the photos he took with my phone and the ones he sent to all of us for this.” He flips past a couple photos. “However, I still seem to have a lot of room.”

“Maybe I can put some of my pictures in?” Ranmaru proposes. “He’s taken some pictures with my phone as well. And I think Ai has a couple, too.”

Icy blue eyes shine bright with excitement. “Really?”

“Yeah! We’ll just need help with printing them.”

Camus closes the album and holds it tightly to his chest. “Thank you, Ranmaru.”

“No problem.” Ranmaru stands up. “Ai and I made dinner. Would you like to come down to join us?”

Camus sits there for a moment. Then, he nods and stands up, placing the photo album down on the spot he was sitting on.

“Hey, Camus.” Ranmaru turns him around so his back is facing him. “Why were you sitting in this room?” He splits Camus’ hair into thirds. “Were you in here all day?”

Camus slowly nods. “I just so happen to go here whenever I feel lonely or stressed or, um, gloomy, I guess.” He takes a small strand and twirls it around his finger. “For some reason, this room helps to calm me down and keep me secure.”

Ranmaru makes a humming sound while he listens. He takes a spare hair band from his wrist to tie Camus’ hair, now in a braid, together. “There we go.”

Camus turns and walks out the door. “Let’s go eat now.” Ranmaru barely saw his smile, but he knows it’s there.

~~~~~

Ai and Camus are upstairs setting up Ai’s room. Ranmaru decided to take a break and watch some television. He turns it on, and the first thing he sees is the current news.

“A body has been found at a barren shore.” Ranmaru turns the volume up a little higher. “Studies have shown that it has been there for a couple years now, and no one has found it until today. Upon closer inspection, experts confirm that the body belongs to the former member of QUARTET NIGHT who disappeared five years ago, Reiji Kotobuki.”

Ranmaru shuts off the television immediately. He hears two pairs of footsteps walking down the stairs.

“We heard something about Reiji,” Camus says.

“What was that about?” Ai asks.

Ranmaru changes the subject. “Hey, I’m feeling a bit hungry.” He stands up. “Why don’t we go out to eat today?”

“Ranmaru—“

“C’mon, let’s go! My stomach’s growling.” Ranmaru pulls Ai by the hand and out the door. Camus opens his mouth to say something, but ends up closing it. He decides not to dwell on it.

~~~~~

Camus happily eats the sundae Ranmaru let him buy. “It’s been so long since I last ate one of these~”

Ranmaru takes a napkin and wipes some off of Camus’ cheek. “Just because you’re not an idol anymore doesn’t mean you can make a mess.”

“Since when did you start caring about messes?”

“Hey, don’t start shit with me unless you want to be held in a very caring chokehold.”

“Don’t threaten me while I’m having a good time!!”

Ranmaru and Camus laugh. They’ve never really jokingly argued with each other before. He didn’t realize how fun it feels to act like this.

Ai takes a picture of the moment. “It’s nice to see you two enjoying yourselves,” he says. “But, I still want to know about what you saw on the TV earlier today.”

“Oh God, I don’t think I can hold it in anymore!” Ranmaru stands up, knocking his chair back. “I‘m gonna go use the restroom. You two fine on your own?”

“I-I—“ Ai shakes his head. “Yes, we’ll be fine.”

“Great, well,” Ranmaru sprints off, “I’m off!” He turns the corner and does a quick stop, sighing a breath of relief. Curious on what might happen, he carefully peeks at Ai and Camus.

The two sit in silence minding their own business. That is, until Ai speaks up. “Don’t you think he’s acting a little weird?”

Camus swallows a piece of a strawberry. “Ranmaru?”

“Yes.” Ai leans towards Camus. “He was acting strange ever since he went to watch what’s on TV. Whenever I try to bring it up, he’d immediately change the subject.” Ai looks around warily. “Am I. . . Am I worrying too much about this?”

“Ai,” Camus calmly places his free hand on Ai’s, “we both know that Ranmaru is hiding something from us, but he doesn’t feel up to discussing it.” Camus leans in closer to Ai. “We need to trust that he’ll tell us when he’s ready, and we make sure not to push him to say it.”

“Okay. . .” Ai leans back, not taking his hand away. “I think I understand now. We wait until Ranmaru’s ready.”

Camus nods. “Here.” He takes a small scoop of his sundae and hovers it in front of Ai. “Open wide.”

Ai gratefully takes the scoop and smiles. “It’s delicious; thank you.”

Ranmaru couldn’t help but feel a little more tense. They know he’s hiding something, but they’re waiting for him to be ready. It’s making him feel guiltier every second. He needs to tell them, but he can’t find the right words to say. He sighs and walks back. He’ll make sure to tell them soon.

~~~~~

However, this feels like too soon.

Ai’s standing in front of him, disappointed. He’s holding his phone out, showing an article of Reiji’s found body. “Is this what you were keeping from us?” he questions. His voice is harsh, but it’s more heart-wrenching than Ranmaru thought it’d be. “Why, Ranmaru?” He sounds so hurt.

Ranmaru tries to say something. Anything would be fine by him. But, he can’t. He’s unable to find any words. Ai can tell. He could easily tell.

“Ranmaru. . .”

Ranmaru pulls Ai up the stairs and into his room, making sure not to make any sudden sounds that could alert Camus. He rubs his eyes hastily as he closes the door. God, he’s tired. “Look,” he finally says, “I know I shouldn’t have hidden it from you and Camus. But, I didn’t know how to tell it to you either. When I saw it on the news a couple days ago, I panicked like hell inside! And then you two came downstairs when you heard Reiji’s name.”

Ai’s face changes from mostly disappointment to more hurt.

“I didn’t want to tell you two, so I made excuses and would change the subject whenever it came up. I guess I feel responsible for the both of you now that Reiji’s gone. I didn’t want to cause more distress for you. Reiji’s disappearance was enough already, but finding out he’s dead. . .” Ranmaru leans back on the door, putting his hand on his forehead. “I was scared of how much more pain it’ll bring. . .”

Ai walks up to Ranmaru and cups his cheek with his hand. “It’s okay. I understand now.”

“I feel terrible,” he mutters. “Terrible and stupid. I ended up making you worry more than you should.”

Ai wraps his arms around Ranmaru’s neck and hugs him tightly. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. It isn’t your fault. I’d probably do the same if I was in your shoes.”

Ranmaru brings a hand to brush Ai’s hair. He feels Ai shiver under him. “I’m sorry, Ai.”

Ai breaks out of the hug a few minutes later. “We should probably tell Camus about it.”

“He doesn’t know yet?”

Ai shakes his head. “I haven’t told him yet. When I found out about it myself, I was too upset to go over and tell him before you.” Ai lightly chuckles in an awkwardly guilty manner. “I guess I didn’t think things through either.”

“That’s alright.” Ranmaru opens the door. “Let’s go tell him together. No more waiting.”

The two walk out towards Camus’ room. Ranmaru lightly knocks on the door. Camus comes to open it. “Yes?”

“Hey, uh, Camus.” Ranmaru waves. Why is he waving? “Look, er, we kinda got something to tell you. . .”

“Reiji’s dead,” Ai blurts out, then immediately covers his mouth.

Camus’ eyes widen. “Wh-What? Ranmaru, what is the meaning of this?”

“Hey, wait!” Ranmaru puts his hands on Camus’ shoulders. “I’ll explain all of it to you.” He starts at the beginning, where he first saw the news. His panic, his worry, his excuses, his fear. Ai’s discovery of it. Letting everything out. And now. Now here in front of Camus, telling him all of it like he said.”

Camus stays silent by his door. “So, Reiji’s really dead? Gone? He’s not coming back ever?” Ranmaru and Ai nod. Camus looks down, hiding his expression. “Oh. . .” He closes his door.

“. . . ‘Oh’? ‘Oh’?? Is that all he could say about this?!” Ranmaru’s chest begins to bubble with anger. “I can’t believe he—“

“Ranmaru, wait!!” Ai takes his hand in his. “He’s just really upset.”

“If he was, then why did he just say ‘oh’?”

“Maybe it’s—“ Ai pauses to take a deep breath. “Maybe it’s because he’s the last one to know.”

“Huh?”

“You were the first one to find out, and then me. He was the last one to know this, and he had to learn it from us telling him.” Ai gently rubs his thumb against Ranmaru’s. “He’s most likely feeling betrayal over this. Because neither of us thought to tell him earlier. We didn’t mean to leave him out, but it probably felt like that to him. . .”

It’s now Ranmaru’s turn to just mutter “Oh. . .”

~~~~~

Ranmaru meets Camus by the front door, ready and about to leave. “Where ya goin’?”

“. . . I’m going to meet with Cecil,” he says. Camus’ been keeping his distance from Ranmaru and Ai for the past few days. “We planned on talking over some tea together today.”

Cecil. It’s been a while since he heard his name. Hell, it’s been a while since he talked to any of them. Ranmaru takes a step forward. “You’re going over there? To meet them? All of them?”

Camus puts his boots on. “If you and Ai would like to come with me, I’d be happy to have some company.” He doesn’t sound very pleased. But, he probably does want the company nonetheless.

“Alright. I’ll go tell him.” Ranmaru rushes up the stairs as quickly as he can. He makes it to Ai’s room and quickly knocks on the door. “Ai? It’s me, Ranmaru.”

It takes a few seconds for Ai to finally open his door. “Ranmaru, what’s gotten you so excited?”

“Camus’ going to the Master Course.”

“Master Course?” Ai tilts his head. “You’re talking about them, right?” Ranmaru nods his head. “Ah, I got it. Please move out of the way.” Ranmaru does just that, and Ai walks out closing his door behind him. “I’ll come along, too.”

~~~~~

Ranmaru looks up at the buildings that surround them. They haven’t changed in those five years away from this place. “So, we’re actually here.”

“Yes, it’s still quite as extravagant as I remembered,” Ai walks forward.

Camus stays silent up at front. Ranmaru tries to call out to him, but a loud “Camus!!” cuts him off.

Cecil runs up to Camus and hugs him tightly. “I’m so sorry. . .” he says.

Camus just strokes his head and mutters, “It’s okay, Cecil. I’m okay. . .”

Cecil looks like he hasn’t changed at all compared to them. He’s still the Cecil they knew five years ago. At least at face value. Ranmaru wonders what everyone else looks like.

Cecil lets go of Camus’ whole body and takes his hand. “Let’s go inside. You guys, too. Ranmaru-senpai, Ai-senpai.”

Senpai. He’s still gonna call them that?

“Eh? Ranmaru-senpai, what happened to your eye?” Cecil’s up close to him now. “It’s gray now.”

“Ah, yeah. That.” Ranmaru rubs the back of his neck. “That was a colored contact.”

“What??” Cecil backs away behind Camus. “That was a lie?!” What’s with the sudden change in attitude? “What are the rest of STARISH going to think about that?”

“Are they. . .” Ai speaks up. “Are they all here right now?”

“Oh, yeah. We’re all inside waiting. Camus told me that you two were tagging along, so I told them and we all got together to see you all,” Cecil explains. “We all heard about what happened to Reiji-senpai, and we feel really bad, especially Otoya and Tokiya.”

Ranmaru winces. Reiji already had a big of an impact on their lives. Who knows how badly it hurt those two? “Are they okay?” he asks.

Cecil looks as if he’s about to say something, but he just keeps it to himself. He pulls Camus by the hand to the building he ran out of, and Ranmaru and Ai follow right behind.

When they enter the building, the first thing they hear is crying. Otoya is sitting on a couch, hugging his knees to his chest. Tokiya’s right next to him, comforting and hugging him. It’s easy to tell he’s been crying as well. Otoya’s face is buried into Tokiya’s chest, but his sobs are still very audible.

Natsuki sits on the other side of Otoya, holding a Super Reiji-kun doll. It’s most likely the one Reiji “forgot” to take with him when they were moving out. He’s looking down at it with a sad smile, tears by the corners of his eyes.

Syo leans his back onto the wall, his hat pulled over his eyes to hide his face. With his tense stance, it’s obvious it’s been difficult for him as well.

Masato sits in one of the armchairs. His face is in his hands, silent. It’s hard to tell what he’s even feeling about this whole situation. Ren stands behind him, gently massaging his shoulders with a smile almost the same as Natsuki’s. He’s humming a tune that sounds very similar to one of Reiji’s songs.

Ranmaru’s heart aches. He hates seeing them all upset over this. He’s forgotten how important Reiji was to each of them. How could he forget something like that?

“Hey, everyone,” Cecil says. “They’re here.” Five of them look up, and of those five four walk over to them.

“Ai-chan!” Natsuki says. “Your hair’s styled differently.” He tries his best to give him a big smile. “It looks good on you.” Everything about him seems the same.

“It’s good to see that you’re okay.” Syo pats Ai on the shoulder. “We should get together and talk more often.” The only thing that seems to have changed about Syo’s appearance is his height; he’s grown a couple inches.

Ai looks from Natsuki to Syo and from Syo to Natsuki. He hugs both of them. “You haven’t changed at all,” he says.

“Ran-chan.” Ranmaru turns around to see Ren and Masato. Ren looks the same as ever, but his typical ponytail is a little more messier than usual.

“You’ve changed your appearance drastically.” Masato looks more tired, and he seems to have makeup on to cover the bags under his eyes. “Are you alright?”

Ranmaru couldn’t help smiling. He pats both of them on the head. “You two never seem to know when to stop caring, don’t you?” He chuckles. “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”

“You look like hell, you know,” Ren says quiet enough for only them to hear. That’s the second time he had that said to him. “Have you been taking care of yourself?”

“Your eyeliner is still very strong though.” Masato strokes Ranmaru’s cheek with his thumb. “That shouldn’t be the only thing you should focus on.”

“I know, I know.” Ranmaru rolls his eyes. “I’ve been trying to get back on track a couple weeks ago.”

“A couple weeks?! Kurosaki-san, you—“

“Masato.” Ren wraps an arm around Masato’s shoulders. “He’s fine. You should be happy about that.”

Masato lightly shakes his head and looks down. “We missed you a lot.”

“I missed you guys, too.” Ranmaru brings a fist up. “We should talk more later, okay?” Ren gives him a quick fist bump, and Masato just nods. Ranmaru’s glad they’re both doing well.

He tries looking for Camus and Cecil, but they’re nowhere to be found. They probably already went off to their little tea party.

Ranmaru then looks over at Otoya and Tokiya. They haven’t moved an inch, other than Tokiya looking up to see that they’re here.

“Ikki’s been crying for days,” Ren says. “When we all watched the news on Bukki together, he bursted into tears. Ichi tried calming him down, but then he started crying too.” Ren wipes his eyes. “It didn’t take long for all of us to cry for him.”

“They were hurt,” Masato’s eyes fill with tears. “After not seeing their senpai for years, only to find out he’s dead. . .” His voice is shaking.

Ren pulls Masato into a hug. “Hey, Masato, it’s okay. Please, don’t cry.” He sounds soft and quiet. Ranmaru can see the teardrops falling down his face.

He turns to Ai’s small group. Their hug has already ended, and Syo is helping Natsuki wipe his eyes. Ai’s just standing there watching them.

“I’m sorry, Ai-chan.” Natsuki sniffles. “I usually don’t get this emotional.”

“Natsuki, you shouldn’t be apologizing,” Syo says. “We all got pretty upset when we found out. It’s okay to cry about it; we all did.”

Ai looks like he wants to say something, but nothing can come out.

It made Ranmaru realize something. He’s never cried for Reiji. All these years of missing him so goddamn much, and now seeing that he’s really gone. No tears were ever spilled. He feels terrible. He should been able to cry for him. Why can’t he? Is there something wrong with him?

~~~~~

The sun is beginning to set. Ranmaru, Ai, and Camus spent most of their day with STARISH and did their best to support Otoya and Tokiya in their times of need. When it was time for them to leave, they all plan to meet up again someday later.

Now, the three of them are standing in front of that same lake once again. They stay standing without a word, just staring out as the sun’s rays slowly make more contact with the water’s surface.

It’s funny, now that Ranmaru thinks about it. Reiji was the reason they stayed together, but he was also the reason why they split up and went their separate ways. And yet, he’s the reason why they were able to meet up again after five years. Even though he wasn’t here with them anymore, his presence still held strong.

“Sometimes, I wonder if things would be different if I actually tried harder to find him,” he finally says. “Maybe, we could still be here together. Maybe we could be happier, closer, whatever.”

“We did take him for granted,” Ai replies. “Maybe if we took him more seriously, everything would probably be better.”

“He believed in us when we didn’t.” Camus lets out a small laugh. “If we believed in him, we’d probably be nowhere near where we are now.”

The three of them continue to stare in silence. Words they want to say remain unsaid; they don’t know how to portray how they felt at the moment.

Ranmaru then opens his mouth, and words begin to come out. But, not as words themselves. It’s more like a song. A song they would’ve been able to sing, but never got the chance to.

Camus and Ai turn to Ranmaru. Is he really singing?

Yes, he is. It’s the only way he can really say how he’s feeling. He misses him so much, but just speaking it wouldn’t be enough.

Camus picks up on the song, and begins to sing with him. How long was it since they harmonized? It feels somewhat fitting.

Ai joins in with the melody. He never knew he could sing with so much emotion. It’s relieving to let everything out.

So much that he begins to choke up.

Ranmaru and Camus stop singing right when they hear Ai’s trembling voice.

“What’s happening?” Ai mutters. “Why am I acting like this?” His sight becomes blurry as his eyes fill with tears. “What’s going on? Why am I crying?” He wipes his eyes, but he can’t stop. “What’s happening to me? Why does my chest hurt so much? Ranmaru, Camus, why can’t I stop crying?”

Ranmaru can’t answer any of his questions. He watches as Ai’s small cries turn to sobs and wails. Camus is covering his mouth, trying so hard not to break.

“Ai. . .” he mutters. “Please, don’t be like this. . .” The corners of Camus’ eyes prick with teardrops.

“I miss him!!” Ai cries out. He runs up to Camus and engulfs him in a hug. “I want Reiji back! I just want him here with us!”

Camus couldn’t stop himself anymore. His grieving becomes more apparent as he hugs Ai close to his chest. “We all do, Ai! We all do. . .”

“I didn’t want him to leave!! I want him to come back!”

Ranmaru couldn’t find any will within him to join their mourning. He tries searching deep inside, but comes out with nothing. Ai and Camus are embracing, shedding their tears while in each other’s arms. All those tears for Reiji.

And yet, Ranmaru cannot do that.

~~~~~

Ranmaru woke up earlier than he expected to. The sun isn’t even up yet. He looks up towards where Ai and Camus’ rooms are. They haven’t awakened yet. So, he gets off the couch and takes it as a chance to get a nice and early morning walk. Before he leaves, he makes sure to leave a note for Ai and Camus in case they worry about his whereabouts. He places the note on the kitchen counter, puts on his shoes, and walks out the door.

He doesn’t know where he’s going. He doesn’t need to. He knows that wherever his feet are taking him, it’s somewhere important. Ranmaru walks and walks and walks. Past buildings and streets and almost everything until he gets to the place he remembered so vividly in his mind.

He’s at the beach. The same beach QUARTET NIGHT went to together for the first time. The same beach where Reiji would stare longingly at the ocean. The same beach where Reiji gathered them up and said something along the lines of “if it doesn’t work out, then we’ll just give up”.

The same beach where everything seemed to have started and ended.

Ranmaru steps down to the shore. He walks closer and closer to where the water meets the land. Memories flow in, but they never leave. He gets to the point where the waves can barely reach his shoes. Ranmaru stares out into the vast ocean ahead of him. The sun is beginning to peak.

He remembers the call Ryuya got from Reiji. How he told them that he couldn’t do it anymore. How they rushed out to find him. How they could only find his car. How they never found Reiji.

They really couldn’t be QUARTET NIGHT without Reiji. He kept them all together. They all knew that when they agreed to disband. And then, they went their separate ways. Camus flew back to the Silk Palace, Ai went to the Professor, and Ranmaru was able to get himself a small apartment. And that was how they lived for a couple years.

Ranmaru had given up a long time ago. Yet, he still kept on going. He’s not exactly sure why, but he has a feeling Reiji influenced him.

Reiji. . .

Ranmaru begins to think about him. What did the ocean have to do with anything about Reiji? Why does he have a strange attachment to it. Is it an attachment? A detachment? He can’t seem to figure it out.

What did he meant by he couldn’t do it anymore?

Ranmaru keeps on thinking and wondering and asking himself that phrase.

He couldn’t do it anymore.

His gaze meets the ocean again. And just like that, it happened to click inside him.

Reiji couldn’t do it anymore.

He gave up. He was pushed to the point of giving up. They pushed him to the point of giving up.

“No. . .” Ranmaru’s vision begins to get blurry. “No.” His legs are struggling to keep himself up. “No!” His chest is beating hard. Everything feels like it’s hurting. “No no no!!” Ranmaru sprints straight towards the ocean, tripping on his own two feet. He can’t think anymore. His mind feels blank. “Give him back! Give Reiji back to us, damnit!!” he screams. He pushes himself back up to his feet, and starts running again.

“Ranmaru!!” Someone grabs ahold of him and pulls him back. “Stop this at once, please!” He can hear Camus cry on his shoulder.

“Let me go!” Ranmaru yells. “I need to get him! I have to!!”

“Please listen to us, Ranmaru!” Ai runs in front of him and holds his shoulders tightly. “You can’t just run straight into the ocean!”

“But, Reiji—“ Ranmaru almost chokes on his own words. “Reiji’s in there! I have to find him!!” He knows he’s acting like a child right now, but he can’t stop himself. He just wants Reiji.

“Reiji’s body has already been found.” Ai moves his hand to Ranmaru’s cheek. His voice is softer now. “Even if his soul is still out there, there’s no way we can get it back. We can’t do anything anymore. . .”

Tears finally begin to fall from Ranmaru’s eyes. “I. . .” he whimpers. “I never got to tell him I’m sorry. . .”

Camus’ grip on him becomes tighter as he cries harder. Ai steps up and wraps his arms around his neck. They don’t say anything out loud, but their actions speak more than what words could.

Ranmaru couldn’t do it anymore. All this pain and guilt and misery and blame he held for so many years. Everything he kept bottled up. Every scream, cry, wail, and yell he wanted to release. They’re all coming out now as countless tears fall. As his sobs are the only things the three of them can hear. As the sun slowly comes up and shines its light down on them.

~~~~~

Ranmaru places the final box in his room. “There we go.” As he leans against the wall, he lets out a sigh of relief.

Camus and Ai come in, smiles on their faces. “Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Camus asks.

“Even if I accept your offer, you’re probably only going to just stare at me.”

Ai rolls his eyes. “That kind of self-flattery will get you nowhere.”

“Hey, when did you turn on me?” Ranmaru stands in a defensive manner. “I thought we were on the same side.”

Ai shrugs with a smug smile. “Since when were we allies?” He strolls out of the room with a small hair flip.

“Don’t you dare sass me, Ai!!” Ranmaru shouts.

Camus laughs through the exchange. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

Ranmaru shakes his head. “Trust me, I don’t know either.”

Camus tilts his head in response. “Um, Ranmaru.”

“Hm?”

“. . . I’m really happy you chose to move in.”

Ranmaru pats Camus on the back. “I’m happy to be here, too.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Camus takes Ranmaru’s hand. “You haven’t been trying to push him out of your mind, right?”

“Of course not,” Ranmaru answers. “I’d never want to forget Reiji.”

Camus hums a bit. “You were really upset.”

“That was weeks ago.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“. . . Yeah, it does.”

“Camus,” Ai calls from downstairs, “we ran out of milk again!!”

“Alright, I got it!” Camus lets go of Ranmaru. “My apologies, but I’ll have to leave for a moment.”

“It’s fine, Snowflake.” Ranmaru walks out of his unfurnished room with Camus. “I’ll make sure your dinner is hot and ready when you get home.”

They get to the bottoms of the stairs, and Ranmaru and Ai wave their “see you later”s as Camus leaves on his errand.

“It’s nice to see that you’re feeling better, Ranmaru,” Ai says. “You let out a lot since then.”

“I know.” Ranmaru gets a pan and some vegetables from the fridge. “It was rough.”

“But you were able to pull through, right?”

Ranmaru looks over his shoulder at Ai and smiles. “You look like you want to tell me something. What’s on your mind?”

“Oh, um. . .” Ai walks up to Ranmaru, standing right next to him. “When we were singing that song, down at the park, I heard him.”

Ranmaru turns all his attention onto Ai. “You heard him?”

“Yeah, I did. When we got to the part of the chorus, I began hearing a fourth voice singing with us. It sounded just like Reiji. For a second, I actually believed he was still alive. But. . .” Ai’s hands shake on the counter. “That was why I started crying. . .”

Ranmaru gives Ai a small hug. “If it helps, I’ll admit that I heard him too. And I think Camus did as well. You’re not the only one, Ai.”

Ai nods and wipes his eyes. “Reiji doesn’t hate us, right? He’d never hate us, right? He’d want us to continue living happily even though he’s gone. . . Right?”

“Of course he’d never hate us. This is Reiji we’re talking about.”

“I see.” Ai leans into Ranmaru. “I’m relieved to know that he still loves us.”

“Me too.”

Ai helps Ranmaru with the cooking once again. When Camus arrives home, the table is already set and a seat is left open just for him. Ranmaru and Ai are already at the table, their food not touched even once. Camus stores the milk away in the fridge and joins the two. They eat and chat and laugh about everything and nothing at the same time. It feels right. They feel like they belong here in this home. Their bonds grow larger and intertwine with each other.

It might not be the happiest ending they could’ve gotten, but they’re satisfied with what they have.

If Reiji was here with them, he would be very proud.

And, in a way, he is.

**Author's Note:**

> And we’re done!!
> 
> Hoo. . . This was a doozy to write. But it was still very fun! At least it was to me. . .
> 
> I like exploring different concepts and “what if”s if I ever get the chance, so when this idea popped into my head, I had to get everything I needed first down.
> 
> This will most likely be a short-lived thing, unless people would like me to write other sides/extras for this AU. Like a snippet of Ranmaru, Ai, and Camus’ lives during those five years. Or STARISH’s first reaction to Reiji. Or maybe even on who found the body. The possibilities are kinda endless, but if it just stays as this single story, I’m happy :3
> 
> This is probably the longest one-shot story I’ve ever written. And I’m glad I was able to write it.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this.


End file.
